What motivates you?
Would you make love to a complete stranger for a thousand dollars?
If you are a man, you would do it for no money at all, but if you are a woman barely making it paycheck-to-paycheck, that would be very tempting.
What is motivation?
Motivation is supposed to be what causes us to achieve goals. It can be external to us, such as, someone else coaching us to what they believe would be out best course of action, life path, and so on, or it could be internal, as directed by our belief that we can be, do something more that we are currently doing.
Dr Steven Reiss talks about motivation in a new way, based on studies that he conducted. He starts by addressing something he calls the pleasure principle, which basically means that people want to have more pleasure than they want pain.
By the way, this was something that Tony Robbins has talked about as well. If you want to change, you have to find a way to create more pain on staying where you are than on moving on to what you want to move on to. This is a very interesting concept I will talk about later.
From Dr Reiss’s book, he believes that there are no internal or external motivations. Only basic desires and he mentions those he got from the work of William James and William Macdougall who were psychologists of renown. Do a google search and you will find out more about them, if you are so inclined.
These psychologists came up with the sixteen basic desires which are:
- Saving: The desire to hoard and collect
- Construction: The desire to build and achieve
- Curiosity: The desire to explore and learn
- Exhibition: the desire for attention
- Family: The desire to raise our children
- Hunting: The desire to find food
- Order: the desire for cleanliness and organization
- Play: The desire for fun
- Sex: The desire to reproduce
- Shame: The desire to avoid being singled out
- Pain: The desire to avoid aversive sensation
- Herd: The desire for social contact
- Vengeance: The desire for aggression
You can read more about this on the book: “Who Am I?: The 16 basic desires that motivate our behaviour …” by Steven Reiss which is available as a download from Google books.
This is a mouthful to explain what motivation is all about.
But what does it mean to you?
Why should you be motivated?
When it comes to reaching your goals, you really need some sort of motivation. What individuals don’t realize is that setting a goal is fine and a worthwhile exercise but reaching a goal is more than just setting one up. When the barriers come up, when the naysayers start in, when the negative voices get louder and louder, knowing what is behind your desire to reach that goal is going to be the difference between staying the course and moving on to something else.
This comment from Tony Robbins says it all “When the pain of same is greater than the pain of change then you will change” When you are more discomfortable staying where you are (pain of staying in the same old, same old) then you will look into changing because it will be more comfortable to be in the new state.
Are you ready to move on to the new state you want or desire to be in? What do you need to do to cause it to be less painfull than where you are right now?
When should you be motivated?
There are times where it doesn’t make sense to change at least not right then and not for you. This should be obvious to you. Why should you change if there is no reason for you to be somewhere else? Why should you change if you are comfortable where you are right now?
If you really want to change, then find the motivation for doing so. Do you want more money? what will be your motivation? A new house, a new car, a cruise? Whatever it is, make it very real and very big. So big that it will take you out of your comfort zone and make you desire it beyond anything you desired before. That will be your motivation.
Once you find your overarching, the major goal or destination you have in mind, then it will be time to break it down into the manageable steps you will need to accomplish to get there.
New Year Resolutions and goals seem to go pretty closely together.
Interestingly, after a few months or sometimes days, those resolutions are forgotten or given up.
We give up, we forget and go back to where we were between Christmas and the New Year. This is the land of comfortable, unchanged, constant. We are ok with it, not excited, just ok.
We also don’t need to think to get by.
And get by is what we end up doing for the next 365 days.
After all, what does it take to brush your teeth, eat, breath, sleep? Nothing. It all happens automatically.
But, come December 26th, 27th, 28th and so on, we start thinking again about what we must resolve to do.
What goals we want to accomplish, where we want to be, go, and so on.
That’s the way things are for some 95% of us.
Why is that?
And
Is that how you see your life?
For some special individuals, this vicious cycle does not stop there.
It stops when they decide that they have had enough. That it is time to change their rut.
Easier said that done! Seriously!
Imagine that you are visiting friends in a far away location. These friends live outside of town on a ranch.
The only way to get to the ranch is by travelling for some miles without any shops, gas stations, or houses, anywhere around.
Once you leave the paved road, you will need to take a two rut road to get to their home and it will take you the better part of a morning as they do live far out of town.
Imagine that you decided to go on this journey.
First, you pack your comfortable family sedan with just the essentials to last you a few days.
You drive out and the first thing you do is stop at a local gas station to fill up and get some snacks for the road.
As you drive the highway you notice how many other cars and trucks and bikes are keeping you company on this venture.
After you have driven a couple of hours you decide to take a break and stop at the next gas station to fill up, even though you didn’t need to and maybe get some more snacks.
You stretch and unkink those tight muscles on your neck and shoulders and breath in a little harder to clear up the recirculated air in your lungs from breathing in your car for so long. And then you drive back on the highway.
After driving for a few hours you reach the town nearest your friends place.
You decide to stop for lunch and start looking for the nearest restaurant.
There are lots of choices. You can choose a drive-through restaurant, a sit-down middle-of-the-road restaurant, or a real fancy establishment.
After thinking it over for a couple of miles, you decide to take some time to sit down and enjoy a few minutes away from the constant rumble from your car’s engine. So you pull into the parking lot of a non-descript restaurant.
An hour or so later, you are back on the road. The meal was better than you expected and the service was great. You were able to enjoy it and now you are feeling re-invigorated and ready to drive on.
As soon as you drive a few miles out of town, you realize you need to let your friends know that you are coming. You pull out your trusty cell phone that has coverage nationwide and more and with a sinking feeling realize that there is no service. The phone is dead for all intents and purposes.
You don’t despair as surely there is a gas station around the next corner just a few miles away that will have a working call box, right?
You drive on and your mind now starts a relentless conversation. There are all kinds of questions swirling around your head. None of them are positive. Actually they all start with “what if…?” and then the doubts start creeping in.
When was the last time you had the car looked at? The engine seems to be faltering, it sounds a little rougher than usual, and how long have you been driving, shouldn’t you have seen a gas station by now?
Never mind that the car is fairly new and has been cared for well enough and that you have just driven a few miles out of your comfortable environment. Still, your mind starts playing tricks on you.
You drive some more and as you look at your dashboard you realize the turn off to your friends home is coming up shortly and no gas station, house, anything, is in sight.
Should you keep going, or should you turn back? What should you do?
Decisions, decisions, decisions!
For many the choice is clear, turn back, drive to where you can get a signal and call your friends. Make sure they are still expecting you.
Is that your choice?
For a select few, the choice is clear, drive on! Your friends are expecting you. They know how long it takes to get to their location, and they trust in your good judgement to stay safe.
So, you press on.
Soon you come to the turn-off to your friend’s home.
Again, the path isn’t very safe.
After turning into the dirt road you notice that you will be traveling on a two-rut dirt and now muddied road.
Decisions, decisions, decisions!
This brings on another negative talk to your mind. Doubts start creeping in. Fear gnaws at the far edge of your conscious mind.
You ask yourself for the thousandth time why did you decide to do this. Couldn’t you just ignore your friends and stay in your cozy home back in your safe suburb? Why did you have to do this?
If something were to happen to you, no one would find out about it until your bones were bleached dry and some latter day archaelogist found your abandoned car! Not a good way to go!
Do you really want to go forward?
Here’s one more barrier to why you really should turn back. There is no place to turn around once you get going; besides the edges are very narrow. So, you have to decide, once you commit you are in it until you are able to turn around if you wanted to or could.
Because you are right at the edge of the dirt road, you still have a chance to turn back with the least amount of discomfort. And no one would think you crazy for turning around just as you got to where you needed to get. Again, most of us, usually 95%, turn back.
It’s too risky to go forward into the unknown.
What if …?
For those that turn back, and choose safety, good for you.
You made another decision! Good luck to you! It will take you a long time before you get to this point again.
We’ll stay with you, the adventurous, courageous, ground-breaking pioneer, foolhardy, who decide to go on to continue on despite all the misgivings and fear.
Isn’t that interesting? making the decision to go forward is a lot simpler that going back. After all, all you really need to do is go on. You have already chosen your rut so now all you need do is stay on it, right?
And so you do.
As you drive on, it doesn’t feel so bad. Actually there are some benefits that you didn’t count on and the main one is that there is no dust plume behind you as would if the road wasn’t muddy. So you settle down comfortably and drive on.
By now you have been on the road for a few hours and have driven countless miles. You are getting anxious to reach your destination.
After slowing down to be able to better manage your driving, you let your mind wander as it seems to do when you coast through life.
Isn’t that insteresting, you think to yourself, when you start on a journey of any kind, you start filled with excitment about reaching your destination. As you start getting more into it and the activity piles on and the decisions come up, it seems that the barriers also show up. These barriers are more intense the longer you get into the process and more difficult the closer you get to your end goal. As you overcome them, you also realize that what you thought were barriers are nothing more than actions that required you to make decisions and those decisions turned the barriers into blocks as you turned back or turned into paving stones as you continued on.
Take the rut you are on right now, it’s not as bad as it seemed at first and you are able to manage it. It’s helping you figure out some things about yourself that you didn’t know you had in you.You realize you have abilities you didn’t know you had. Maybe you find that you can take on a little more or different risks than you thought you could.
Maybe what you need to work on is on your decisions and not your actions.
After you drive on for a few more miles which seemed to take a lot longer because of how slowly you were taking the road, you go around a bend on the road and, wonder of wonders, the most amazing sight faces you.
A magnificent log cabin comfronts you head on not more than a few yards from where you are.
Behind it there’s a mountain that seems to go on forever. Luxuriant green cover its side making it look like a movie prop. The sound of a waterfall assaults your ears in the quiet of the day. Even the sound of your car engine seems to have faded into the background as you enjoy the pictures and sounds that assault your senses.
With a sense of wonder you drive a few more yards and then park your car.
You open the door and get out and feel a sense of peace, amazement, gratitude, excitement, and so on, at having arrived to enjoy such an incredible experience.
As you stand motionless drinking it all in, your friends run out of the front door. Smiles as big as advertising boards split their faces. Their dogs bark and wag their tales joining in the excitment. Although they have not seen you before they know you are a welcome guest.
And your friends are very delighted that you have arrived.
Why is it that setting goals is easy but reaching them isn’t?
Could it be because we don’t decide as we should? More so than we take action?
Isn’t action more important than decision?
Well, if you decide to go forward towards your goal, you are more likely to accomplish it than if you decide to move away from your goal. Actually some put it this way, there is nothing that is going to stop you from reaching your goals when you make the decision to go for them.
So, action with the right decision is probably a better way to accomplish a goal than action alone.
Have made a resolution but have not taken any steps to work towards reaching it?
